Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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