Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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