we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
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