how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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