I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
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