Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Pants are for mortals
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
