And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Randomize
