Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
