I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
