my sisters under your porch take her home
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
