If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
