Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Randomize
