You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I'm too high and old for this...
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
