for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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