I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Randomize
