I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Randomize
