Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
