Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
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