Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I bet he comes in French.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
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