I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Randomize
