Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
