This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
