i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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