I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Randomize
