It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
