I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Randomize
