my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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