): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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