Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
