I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Randomize
