His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
