get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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