I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I have so many feelings about this burrito
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
