I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Randomize