I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
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