at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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