I must be too annoying 4 u.
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
