I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Randomize
