I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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