i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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