he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
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