i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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