It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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