you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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