I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
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