mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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