I just pynch a tree in the face
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
