Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
