I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize