Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
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