i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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