Ambien. No doubt about it.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
it's like iHOP with fire
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
