new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
