some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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