Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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