She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
