i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize