You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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