It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
