Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
