maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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