You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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