I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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