I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
the room spins SO much faster in panama
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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