He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
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