I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
