The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize