I seem to have left my pride at pride
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize
