Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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