So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize
