You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
