the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
You're like the curious george of whores
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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