Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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